That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt.

I am a paradox. I want to be happy, but I think of things that make me sad. 

I am lazy, yet I am ambitious. I do not like myself, but I also love who I am. 

I say I do not care, but I really do. I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way. 

I am conflicted contradiction. 

If I can not figure myself out, there is no way anyone else will...

Danes je bil ponovno eden tistih dni, ko te nisem uspela izgnati iz svojih misli. Težko je reči, kaj po vseh teh letih pravzaprav čutim do tebe. Je to jeza? Sovraštvo? Ljubezen? Vem le, da je nekaj, kar ne čutim do nikogar drugega, kot do tebe. Neko močno čustvo, ki me že dober teden ne pusti spati. Mučijo me grozne sanje. Zbujam se neprespana in tako izmučena, da si zjutraj, ko vstanem zaželim, da bi bil ponovno večer. Tako bi  lahko zaspala v svoji postelji, ki mi je bila vsa ta leta uteha, sedaj pa se spreminja v nekakšen brezoseben in nelagoden prostor, kjer se ne počutim več varne in ljubljene. Bojim se tega čustva. Strah me je, da me bo ponovno zvlekel tja, od koder sem s takim naporom komaj da rešila. 

- Do you ever think of me?

We are all sinners.

I believe in the notion that all people deserve second chances. The understanding behind forgiveness. The verity that every truth has more than one side. The capability to listen to and appreciate an apology. The key to unlock the doors of ones future can be found by first opening ones- eyes, ears and heart. But there comes a time when you can only try to comprehend for so long...
I believe in forgiving but never forgetting when merited. I believe in never justifying a lie, but moving past the grief it ignited. I believe in setting down the shield that has been raised in fear, in order to understand that everyone deals with pain, acceptance, and thoughts that provoke sleepless nights. And I believe in everything happening for a reason, that friends are the hardest to forgive, and that we must try not to dwell on what could have been but strive towards what should be.

The road is long but in the end the journey is your destination.

My walls went up, 

as my confidence went down.

Težko je reči, kaj je usoda in kaj je le splet nenavadnih načrtovanih okoliščin. Srečanje med njima je bilo ponovno popolnoma nenačrtovano. Ob pogledu nanj se ji je ogrelo srce. Stopil je do nje in jo pozdravil s nasmehom, ki prekriva tisoč želja, ki bi jih zanjo lahko izpolnil v trenutku. Jamice v ličnicah in žar v njegovih očeh sta jo pustila brez besed, kot že mnogokrat do sedaj. Čeprav si je zaželela pobegniti z njim, ni smela. Ostala je s prijateljicami. In ko je odhajal se ji je po glavi podilo nešteto vprašanj. Četudi se usoda potrudi, da ju poskuša zbližati, je čas tisti, ki nikoli ni na njuni strani. 

If it is meant to be, it will be.